did you get engaged???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
