She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
