my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
