You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
