I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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