the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
