Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
