I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
