Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
