I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
