Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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