New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
