I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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