I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
