well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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