I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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