and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
