wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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