Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
