My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
