Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
