After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
