i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
