we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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