I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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