so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
