I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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