you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My life is pants optional.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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