I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I lost the right to judge tonight
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
