Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
