theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
