I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
