Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
