There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
