Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
