I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
