Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
