Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
