batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
