There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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