grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
