I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
