Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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