Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
too bad you live with your parents still
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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