advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
