I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
