The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
