Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
