Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
