Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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