I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
