I will die if light touches me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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